I am no longer going to hate my heart. I am calling a cease fire. I do not wish to be at war with myself any longer. In the end, I believe we are both fighting for the same thing.
The same soft soul that causes me to cry during movies, to take things personally, to give to the man on the corner of the street, to fall for people quickly, to want to adopt every dog at the shelter, to be the one who cares more, to be the advice giver, the peacekeeper, the dreamer, the sensitive one; is also the soul that allows me to be so tender to God. How could I ever hate that? Why would I wage war against it? Why would I wish to suppress that gift? Why would I feel the need to “fix” that part of myself?
If I continued forth and dedicated my life to hardening my sensitive heart in hopes of protecting it and presenting myself as “strong” then I would lose myself. The core of me would be gone. I don’t know who I would become if I were no longer in touch with my sensitivity. I do not wish to find out. In doing so, I would sever the tether between God and me. I would cut off our relationship.
I would no longer have the gift of seeing Him in the ocean, feeling Him in the breeze, hearing Him in the trees, and witnessing Him in the souls of people I meet. I would lose my awe of Him. The mere thought of this physically hurts my heart.
I am so grateful for my inner workings. I am so thankful that God created me to operate and feel in such a way. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I pray to never take it for granted. Even when it causes me to get hurt. I will gladly accept the temporary sorrows that will inevitably accompany a sensitive soul amid such a hardened world.
“don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled, when they tested me in the wilderness.” Hebrews 3:8
