i have had plenty of failed romances
many “almost, maybe” love stories in my short life so far
you know how it goes,
a crush
a conversation
a flirt
a date
a kiss
a connection
a ghosting
a pettiness
and then
just a memory
most of them fade and i find it easy for me to allow them to
i don’t feel the need to fight it
or to fight for it
most of this i would like to call
maturity and
wisdom
but in all honesty,
i know a lot of it is pride
no matter how deeply i may miss someone
i just can’t seem to allow myself to give in and do anything about it.
i refuse to.
but with him it has always been different
no matter how much time passes
what he does
or doesn’t do
i think i will always reach back out
i lose all since of pride when it comes to him
if i find myself missing him,
all i want to do is tell him.
i don’t want to shove it down
or put on a cold front
i genuinely just want to sit in front of him,
reading his face
and allowing him to read mine.
no gimmicks
no games
just honesty
vulnerability
i have no shame in reaching out when i think about him because
in my mind,
he will always deserve it.
no matter how long it’s been
no matter what state he’s in
i will always care about that boy
and i will forever believe
that he deserves to know it.
i don’t exactly know what it means
but
that is the difference.
that will always be the difference.
– with almost, maybe love,
Shel
