“I think I want to start a blog”. This sentence ran through my mind and was spoken out of my mouth for months. I heavily debated doing it and ran in circles of doubt for so long. I have always had a strong passion for writing. It was my favorite subject in school by far. I mean this in a completely humble way when I say that I was fairly decent at it. Or rather that I am ‘good’ at it. Sorry, I’m honestly not sure why that is so hard for me to type out. I don’t even think I fully completed the sentence in my head either, at least not without an uncomfortable tone molding around the word “good”.
I’m not sure that I have ever really felt that I was necessarily good at anything. Sure, there are things that I am passionate about that I can do decently, but I have never identified myself as being accelerated in any of them. However, when it comes to writing, I have always had this big dream surrounding it. The idea that maybe someday, somewhere, someone would read the thoughts that I so carefully displayed across paper and say that they felt something. For year I kept hold of this passion despite the voices within telling me that I’m not good enough.
I know this sounds like I have some issue with seeking external validation, but honestly it’s not that I yearn to receive pats on the back or have people shower me with compliments, but rather a yearning to realize that I am not alone in these thoughts. The idea that my words, struggles, experiences and interpretations of God’s voice could encourage even just one person brings me so much joy. It’s a feeling that I can not seem to ignore any longer. I can’t help but to wonder if this truly is a weight that has been placed on my heart by God. I feel that if it were merely a pipe dream, the flame would have dwindled with age, but it has been quite the opposite.
Growing up I adored writing stories, which eventually took the shape of love letters and then poetry which led to journal entries which morphed into research papers (not by choice) and so on. Although there have been many different fonts throughout the years, I have never truly stopped writing. Even when I went through phases where I felt distanced from my words and unable to translate them onto paper, I had a never ending stream of essays running through my mind. Some would find a landing place within my notes app or on random post it notes, but most were hidden within my heart, locked away for what I thought was safe keeping.
It’s now that I have began to confront the notion that maybe, just maybe, they really are meant to be conveyed. Meant to be shared and read. Meant to be felt. Of course the thoughts that I’m not half good enough plague my mind, but I’m tired of allowing fear to hold my gifts hostage. I truly believe that The Lord has graced me with an ability to express my thoughts and work through them in a tangible way. I feel that I would be a fool to not take advantage of that blessing or at least try to.
So here I am today, finally taking a leap towards sharing my voice with others. And I have to admit that I am scared and hesitant, as most humans are when stepping into something unknown. Luckily, I am walking into to this chapter with the most loyal companion. God admires our leaps of faith because they reveal great obedience and display bold trust in Him. Fear truly is fleeting when we allow ourselves to fully rest in the assurance that Our Father truly goes before us and behind us, clearing the path ahead and picking up the pieces behind.
I’m sure that most of us have some personal gift or strong desire that we simply feel too afraid to utilize. All I can say is, answer that call. It takes great humility and faith to move prior to knowing the path or the destination, but truly that is where the beauty lies. It is in these seasons of wilderness that Holy Spirit has the space to do great work within us. Spiritual maturity and refining are inevitable in such a time. When we are obedient to God’s calling we are proclaiming that we are eager to place our full trust in Him despite the unknown. We physically proclaim that we are leaning not on our own understandings but on God’s alone. We are saying that we give Him the reigns to use us however He sees fit. To seek nothing more than to become a vessel for God’s message and love.
Sometimes we might spend years fighting against an idea that has been stirring in our hearts, simply because we have a different vision for our lives. Some roads of discipleship may look winding and unconventional so we choose to opt out. A lot of the time we have our own desires and standards that are hard to forfeit to the unknown. Because of this we will waste so much effort in bending to our own selfish will. And trust me, I get it. I can overthink so heavily that I allow myself to completely right off things on my heart because they seem “impossible” or “irrational”. But incase you didn’t know, God is an expert on impossibles.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1: 17
How fickle minded us humans are that we truly believe, if we somehow make the wrong decision, then we are a lost cause. As if Our God does not have the power to redirect us back onto His path? And truth be told, even if we do feel that we misstep, it very well could have been part of God’s perfect plan. In following Him He never promised that things would be easy or that we would become immune to failure because He is extremely aware of the fact that these moments are vital for building strength. Dead ends are essentially redirections when it comes to walking with God.
In short, I guess the big idea that I hope to convey to both you and myself is to just take that leap. When our eyes are fixed on Him and all of our efforts are done in hopes of lifting Him up, then truly I believe we will be walking in our purpose. Although the path may not be clear and we have to surrender control, I can not think of any other life that sounds more freeing. To make myself a living offering to God and to honor Him with every ounce of myself. To be His hands and His feet and carry out His great message, nothing in this world could ever compare. You have a hand crafted gift, whatever it may be, use it.
“Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them; if prophecy, in proportion to our faith, if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching, the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.” Romans 12: 6-8
This blog is part of my mission in,
taking the leap
and answering God’s call.
