Healing in itself is hard. I think this is a pretty well known idea even before people ever enter into a healing season. Whether it be mental, spiritual, or physical, healing is a battle. One to be done with resilience. A resilience that is so unwavering that it truly makes no sense to the human mind, especially from an outside perspective. It is a strength that can only be described as being other-worldy. Completely divine. A Godly strength that is laid upon us and renewed by our mighty Father. It is nothing that we can muster up or carry out alone.
As children of God, we are a reflection of Him. We are called to be Holy as He is Holy. This means we do have power within ourselves. By the grace of God, we have His Spirit dwelling within us and we have eternal access to it. A spirit that comes baring love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These live within us!
But we are still a part of creation which means we have a Creator that we can and must rely on. We reside within human bodies, so we will always have limitaions and weaknesses. Luckily, 2 Corinthians 12: 9 reminds us that His power is made perfect in our weakness and that because of this we have the freedom to rejoice in it.
All of thse truths are important to remind ourselves of, but sometimes our humanity still gets in the way. Our human minds constantly seek physical proof. This can make the healing process so much harder becasue it often in times is a gradual and discrete process. This leads us to throw in the towel IF we are leaning on our own understandings and plans. Even if there isn’t an instant or bold change in our lives, it doesn’t mean that nothing is being done. God sees our efforts and appreciates them. He has plans to prosper and not to harm us. We are just called to be patient with His perfect timing. He gives us the ability to walk and not faint, to run and not be weary. There is a calling on all of our lives to not lose hope and to continue doing what is good and pleasing to Him; which includes us taking care of ourselves in every way.
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9
I feel that I am not alone in saying that my young adult life so far has seemed to be a constant stream of healing phases. We as humans tend to call them seasons; which is accurate because they, like earthly seasons, have a beginning and an end. However, no one really talks about how hard it is when your healing season outlasts every single season, especially when it’s multiple years worth. I can look back at the last four years of my life honestly and admit that I have been consistently trying to “heal”. Yes, it was all very real and is still very real for me. I struggle with mental and physical ailments and I have for years. Only now am I able to dissect this period of time in my life and realize how much I was trying to carry and all on my own too. Hitting dead ends and feeling hopeless happens to us all, but the difference between my processes then and now, is that now I no longer try to handle it alone. I have invited God into this journey with me and although I am still learning how to fully give up the reigns, I can already feel a tremendous difference. Sure there are still question-marks looming over my head, but I no longer feel the need to have all of the answers because I know the ONE who knows every answer.
It sounds so sad to admit that I spent years feeling like I was literally drowning. Sure the world would grant me superficial joy and gratification and peace, but as soon as I hit a rough patch I would feel as if I had completely hit rock bottom. I could have one bad flare up with my health issues and feel entirely worthless. I would literally say that I had nothing, as if the tiny little rocks painted in faux gold were my everything. I was placing my existence in things that were fleeting and held no real value. This leads to such an extreme emotional roller coaster because the foundation is faulty. Yes, at this time I believed in God. I would even be considered a strong believer from an outsiders perspective, but I now realize that I did not KNOW Him. I did not take the time and make the conscious decision to spend time with Him or study His word. I did not know HIS voice so of course the loud and obnoxious voice of the enemy was clouding all judgment. Now, though I still am human and have bad days, I have the Truth rooted within me and I can separate myself from the instability of emotions. My worth and my existence are weighted in Him and who He says I am. I am not fully healed and I do not know that I ever will be during my time on earth, but I can confidently say that the journey is a lot easier when you have someone before you, behind you, and beside you the entire way. God is not only present in the process, but He is constantly working all things together for our good. Eternally protecting, guiding, teaching, and healing.
If my waiting season is an opportunity for me to display my faithfulness, trust, and patience for the Lord, then I shall pray to wait forever. Even if I never see healing in the way I imagined, He is always working in the waiting.
